I am getting ready for an audition. Have my bag packed with my shoes, my dress, music, headshots, the whole thing. I turn to the mirror and the pit in my stomach appears… time for hair.
I’m not trying to brag, but I have some strengths! I am a good actor/singer/dancer, I quote Friends better than anyone I know, and I am a damn good dance teacher!
Hair and makeup…. Not on the list of my strengths
As a performer, as a woman, as a human, we are expected to be skilled at so many things. It’s really irritating.
Oh yup- sure Broadway- I can sing, dance and act! Oh yup, of course I can play an instrument… oh wait , you need me to play 3 instruments? NO PROBLEM! OH! You need me to be able to tumble like an Olympic gymnast, absolutely. Oh CIRCUS SKILLS?!?! Obviously I am able to do all these things. Oh yeah- I can also do a British dialect! But I digress.
I know when I get to the audition, I will see 20 girls who look just like me…. Except their hair looks amazing! I have this friend who always has Movie Star Hair!
This is the perfect blow out of big loose curls that every 20 something female on TV and in movies has. As if every female in America wakes up, gives themselves perfect hair, then goes to solve some crimes (I'm looking at YOU CSI). Of course Rory Gilmore has perfect hair as she studies her butt off at Yale... cause she's that kind of girl... very realistic. Let's just say, I know I didn't put that much time and effort into my hair before a long day of classes.... Granted I was in the Drama Department and dancing all day... and I didn't have to worry about running into Logan Huntsberger.... If Logan Huntsberger went to college with me, I would've had better hair.
Here’s the thing: They have professional stylists to do this for them every day. Stylists who also are standing by to do constant touch ups all damn day. But, I also have friends that can do this for themselves… and I don’t think it’s fair and I’m mad about it.
There I am, at this audition, with my attempt at curls…. Maybe a twist of the bangs and a hair up half down situation. But, that’s only if I am feeling fancy. Most of the time its, blow-dry, straighten, good bye!
The list goes on:
YOU MUST BE PERFECT AT THE FOLLOWING THINGS:
1. Be good at drinking (better hold you liquor and don’t be a bitch about shots thanks)
2. Be good at flirting (god it would be awful to be labeled awkward… o wait…. I am THE MOST AWKWARD)
3. Be good at sex (Study your Cosmo ladies, but don’t talk about it too much, cause then you’re a slut)
4. Be an expert on pop culture (WATCH EVERY TV SHOW)
5. Be an informed citizen (sup CSPAN)
6. Be good at cooking (um…. Well, I’m REALLY good at ordering take out)
Obviously I have enough time to accomplish all this every day…..maybe if I had a Time Turner... (Holla at the HP fans!)
Why is it this way? Seriously? Does everyone feel this way? No matter how many special skills we have at the bottom of that resume, will it ever be enough? Will my hair ever look like a Movie Star?
At this point, I’m just going to do me! I am comforted by the fact “Hey, they’re probably going to use a wig anyway.” I mean, I’ll keep working and keep practicing the hair thing and who knows? Maybe I’ll become amazing at it?!
Or maybe I’ll just go to Dry Bar….